I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
