Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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