could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
