I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Drunk is not a location!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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