Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
