i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
