I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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