What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
