Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
