Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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