Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
be right there i have to get my cape
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize