DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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