I faked an abortion last night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
