Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
