i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
