I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't deserve a penis
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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