He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I want a musical about memes.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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