Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
