I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
