You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
try to milk me bitch
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