The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Green mimosas i think yes
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize