you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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