god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
