Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
