Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
