Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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