Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize