I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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