the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's blow job season.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
