tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
