Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
