I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
