dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
