His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This house was built for laser tag.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Can I color on your dick again?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
