my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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