no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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