I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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