Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
