maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
