I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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