dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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