I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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