I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
