Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
