The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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