We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
