Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
