Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
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