Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
