Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
