Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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