Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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