words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
