Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You left your underwear on the fireplace
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
