She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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