the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
