I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
