Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
