just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
