How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
MIDGETS
????
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
