So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
