I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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