i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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