i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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