there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize