Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
