WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize