Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
