I love black thongs
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
