The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
