you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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