Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
