I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
